-

okay. I just realize how terribly incapable I am of dealing with stress.
sure, I figured it out last year when I went without sleep for 2-3 weeks pre and during SPM (not worth it at all -_______________-) and earlier this year when some pretty shitty stuff happened and I had to skip classes to stay home -______________________-

(now that i think of it it wasn't that shitty i was just being lame)
(okay but right at that moment it scared me so bad so idk maybe it was*contradicting)

but what kinda person doesn't sleep for 3 days in a row and freaks her parents out by breaking down and sobbing on the phone at 5 in the morning over MATH

oh hi there.

and that was done sans caffeine

pathetic-ness level > infinity

OK DUN CARE D MY EXAMS END ON THE 22ND OF NOVEMBER I WILL SLEEP EVEN IF I HAVE TO RESORT TO SLEEPING PILLS/FLU MEDICINE/ANY OTHER SOURCE OF MEDICATION WHICH INDUCES SLEEP OR ELSE I WILL LOOK LIKE SHIT AND FAIL EVERYTHING *says everything in one breath with determination

and that doesn't work then i'll just look like shit and fail everything

ahahahahahaah. and i will sleep tonight instead of staying up to watch TV *DETERMINATION

a week or two before my exams started : 

Sushi Bonanza 4 days in a row HAHA // Korean food w/ Dad (i can't stop proclaiming how much I love kimchi) - HI MY NAME IS MELISA AND I LOVE KIMCHI // doggy kisses // amazing homemade pork burgers w/ bacon @ Brussels Beer Cafe, Gurney Paragon, and the price is pretty reasonable :D on par with Marshall's la

 Lunch @ Seoul Garden, Gurney, felt really sick after that but then it comes with having no self control  ^^ // dinner @ E-Gate's Secret Recipe and we decided it'd be weird to not order cakes so there , calories // MooCow Froyo FTW // breakoutzzzz shitzzzzz ok but at least now better d after using face masks

shopping spree w/ Mum  //  Clarence's dog so cute omg fur damn shiny some more // Panicked - Started studying // Chocolate chips and walnuts, best snack ever, but my mum got kinda pissed cause i finished 1kg worth of walnuts within a week and ya pimples cause of this so now must find smthg else to snack on hmm

Hahaha Wendy sent me this and I find it cute //earrings // super lame convos with Wendy ahahaha

okay so my blog -> stress, food, stress, vain pictures, stress

and i stopped going to the gym/jogging > 2 weeks d #fail

okay bye. Bio paper in 5 days SHYTEX

@Starbucks, Gurney Tower -> this is what we do instead of studying.

oh and i have ......................

acne now. FML.

i always look like shit during exam periods and sien wei exams mean must go out into the world looking like shit cannot stay at home and continue eating junk food 24/7 and being blissfully ignorant of my expanding thighs/waistline/face/idk

point.

 it's pretty sad that it doesn't work that way right, that the person you have feelings for don't always feel the same for you, that you can sit there all day waiting for X to go online to call and X goes off to someone else who doesn't give a shit about  (like you do)

and you end up reaching for that bucket of ice-cream cause feelings need to be eaten 

reality check, liking someone doesn't mean they HAVE to like you back 

it's so damn sad. 

it's so sad that all i want to do is curl up in ball , hide in a corner and stay there forever

now i'm convinced i'll end up being categorized as one of those "50 , lives alone with 99 pugs" type of people. HAHAHA WTH

-------> thoughts when it's 4AM and i can't sleep

and my AS exam starts in exactly ONE WEEK *FREAKS OUT . BEEN GOING OUT EVERYDAY INSTEAD OF STUDYING DIE LA DIE LA DIE LA DIE LA DIE LA.

I WANT A PUG AHHHHHH.

BYE

p/s: me when i don't sleep

hate studying hate A levels hate Bio hate Chemi hate Math wanna sit at home and watch TV and eat chips and grow damn fat ok bye

i really should be out tonight, but since i'm stuck in the hostel, might as well blog la

(ok last post till AS, which is on the 17th of Oct arghhh i was more kam cheong for spm i think and this is way harder some more, dunno what's wrong with me)

 Haagen Dazs @ Autocity, i want the chocolate fondue T_T // brunch @ Chill's , Gurney, played True or Dare HAHA never wanna go back d so embarrassing // lalalalalalalala in class // met up with Vinson and his college friends for lunch @ Love Bites

 @ Clark Hatch gym, went 4 times in a week- achievement unlocked, the kickboxing/cardio/steps class damn exhausting T_T // MARSHALL'S BURGER . DAMN YUMMY // Buffalo chicken sandwich @ Chicago Rib House, Gurney, went shopping with the guys // rainy days

awesome jelly made by Clarence's maid // found this pict funny // Wendyyyyyyyyyyyyyy // hair doesn't look that short anymore right right

WOOHOO chemistry

i hate feeling all alone. (no not the i don't have a bf/gf so sad someone anyone plz can come hold me sort)

just. you know. alone.

shitz so much more to study not gonna sleep tonight adbabsfiws!##

what am i doing in A Levels Science again?

oh yah i wanna be a dentist and spend the rest of my life staring at decayed molars and reminding people to floss their teeth (even though I can't be bothered to do it myself sometimes) 

plus i think it's really cool to have the 'Dr' title hahahaha *childish (i know you don't necessarily have to be a doctor/dentist to be given that title but still) (and i can't imagine studying for a PHD wth)

but I am so blardy lazy. so lazy that I'm watching Masterchef even though my trials is in 4 days

*in despair . 

ok i think i sorta give up on trials and AS d. I already plan to retake everything next year -_____- (I even told my mum d -___-) next year i'll start studying properly. i know i say that all the time but serious d. 

and this post is pointless ahahaha. 

mhmm

sorry ah, i cannot sympathize with/relate to people with boyfriend problems. especially people who download shows using the hostel's wifi (SO SELFISH WEI) or talk on the phone/Skype damn loud when I'm trying to figure out the the number of chiral carbons in some stupid hydrcarbon 

and no i'm not really sorry.

p/s: took me half an hour of reloading to post this. 
p/p/s: GODAI CAN ANOT .______________.

HI SEPTEMBER

p/s: going to sleep cause i'm still super full after lunch at Gurney

i will start doing math even though it freaks me out knowing how bad i am at it

*sips 3rd carton of chocolate milk

time to get fat, unhealthy, moody ...............*throws in a bunch of adjectives that describes me when i'm stressed

ok bye

edited : just remembered it's Independence Day from a convo i had w/ Wendy and Ferris . uhm yeah *too stressed . okay bye .

when I was 5, I wanted floor length hair
when I was 8, I wanted a puppy
when I was 12, I wanted to be 18
when I was 15, I wanted to leave
when I was 17, I wanted coffee, lots of it, all the time

now I want to be alone most of the time ;

quick update

1. Deactivated Facebook (almost a week now and I feel  . . fine) Problem is instead of mindlessly refreshing my homepage I now Google random shit -Why do my nails keep peeling?? / black tea vs green tea.

p/s: black tea kept me awake for 2 nights. that's how bad caffeine affects me (or it might be because I drank it non-stop because I heard it 'makes your skin glow naturally' , i dunno if it works because the lack of sleep made my skin shittier T___T)

2. my roommate is moving out T_____________T I doubt she reads my blog but she's really awesome and I'm SO DEVASTATED T____________T (tmr we're gonna take our first pict together hahahaha) new roommate moving in end of this week d T_______________T

okay. must be nice *inhales

3. my trials in 2 weeks ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. (one week break but cheat one 'cause it's called study break and have to come back to college for lab trials)
*on the verge of tears

my mock bio lab exam was so terrible , I didn't know when to use the stopwatch so I just left it out and okay confession , until now I dunno how to convert nano to mm all that

.______________________.

in A-Levels some more.

4. I got bangs .

nah. not obvious la. Give up on my hair d.

p/s: this is the kind of shit I do late at night instead of studying
p/p/s: I know ppl keep reminding me that I can't study for A Levels the way I did for SPM but too late already okay

that awful feeling when;

- you'd never felt so distant from your closest friends (or are they anymore?)
- everyone around you seem to be answering hundreds of Math questions in a robot-like manner (precise and fast) while you still go harh wth is this, over Question Number 1
- you're 45 minutes late for Bio class
- Genting's amazing chee cheong fun is closed and you try out another stall's and it makes you wanna puke
- you know you're totally a hundred percent screwed for your A Levels and should gone to Disted instead (nono nothing to do with the lecturers in KDU, they're all amazing, i just suck, period)
- both parents start yelling at you over the phone

dunno what to do.
oh and btw. I joined a gym.

okay bye.

my mood swings are driving me mad. yes i am mad. so much to study. what have i been doing for the past few months. everything and anything but studying

nice .

If we don't leave now, we will break, we will falter, we will fade

celebrated my Birthday and Dad's the same way we do every year (buffet dinner at some hotel and leave overwhelmed by guilt and promises to do push ups and sit ups the next day) - next day had Dim Sum for brunch hahahahahahaha

 Hahahahaha he looks damn beh syok cause i forced him to take picts w/ me
and he returned to KL the next day for some cheerleading competition .______.

(and i thought i had someone to drive me around during the weekends)
(my driving skills still limited to driving at 20km/h around my taman HAHA)

 why is lamb meat so nice why

(why i eat so much why)

 oh hi *shy

HAHA such an unflattering picture . oh and all my chins say hi

(up to you to decide how many)

 so I'm 18 and Dad's 48. Hmm.

Btw, arghhhh would have send this to be developed if it wasn't for the kid photobombing :(
(and also i look blardy fat here but that one normal)

oh and i don't have pictures of us cutting the Birthday cake at home cause my camera ran out of battery
and even if i had i wouldn't post la cause everyone was half awake and in their pajamas HAHA (okay that was me actually)

oh and I got hooked on to baking recently.
(funny thing 'cause i used to be a disaster in the kitchen and the only help i could offer was to wash the bowls which i liked doing cause got cookie dough and icing to scrap out and eat wth)

red velvet cake which turned pretty yummy ! (i think, hahahaha)

Browines or Lemon Crinkle Cookies next? 

p/s: i wish i would stop feeling so blardy emo now. 

and maybe under that mask of self pity i'll find me

my mood swings arghhhh

But I've been at this far too long to act like that when we should be in perfect harmony

EMO WEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.

Wanted LCW to win soooo badly T______________________________T
and no it isn't because of the free BR ice-cream if Swensens/Haagen Daz giving out free ice-cream I guarantee explode and break down in front of the TV set haahahha but Gold Medal lehhhh :(

*inhales.

 the past few weeks ;

 my goldfishes from Bon Odori! Vinson took them back to his hostel and Whatsapped me a pict of them, 2 died dee :( // DAMN GOOD CHEE CHEONG FUN AT GELUGOR // hehe in class // went to Sungai Dua for an amazing lunch with the guys , the popiah eat how many pieces also not enough lor // Alson's Pomeranian :D

 Dad !

 Yu Shen :D (he'll probably scold me for uploading this here hahaha)

we were headed for lunch @ Brussels Beer Cafe @ Gurney Paragon

I really like lamb.

3/8

 long skirts :D and Aldo was having sales :D

watched Total Recall and chilled at Starbucks.

okay bye bye :D

so i was wondering if i was just 'one of those girls'

April/May/June ;