Got my double eyelid surgery for my left eye. When I'm done with law school I'll take on the right eye.

(shamelessly left this picture unfiltered)

i had one chipped nail

A week ago, I chipped a thumbnail when I was tearing at a clove of garlic. (Peeling would appear to be the more appropriate word but it was a battle between my fingernails clawing away at these seemingly thin layers of garlic skin, next time I'll consider googling tips on chopping up garlic)

It was a white jagged line, running dangerously close to the part where your thumb ends, and where your skin is most delicate and tender to touch.

I left it (to fate)(like how I do to too many things)

3 days later, I caught it on a loose thread from a top I was wearing. Then it was a folded edge from a a piece of paper. Then it got snared in the mess my bag contains when I was rummaging for my keys.

It split, halfway across my thumbnail. Still intact, but enough to make me wince and reach for a pair of nail clippers and snip at tiny bits of it half-heartedly.

I even have a grainy, badly taken picture for your viewing pleasure.

Earlier tonight, I was jabbing at a roll of toilet tissue and the remains of the jutted bit snapped and I had a bloodied thumb for the rest of the night.

So relieved now that it's (almost) all gone.

This is the story of the chipped nail I got rid of.

learn about anger

You should learn about anger,

That it starts off with you seething, and if you allow it enough time, it heats up to the right temperature, enough to leave you boiling, and all these words, settled at the bottom, heavy with hurt, they start bubbling right to the surface.

You should learn about anger,

That it starts off with you placed against a wall, watching a steel block inching towards you, and when the pressure builds up just right, adrenaline kicks in and you find yourself with the triple the strength to push away and break free

You should learn about anger,

That usually, when it ends, sadness and loneliness takes it's place.

__________________________________________________

Do I no longer know my worth.

This is one of those 17 year old moments when you clasp your hands to you face and dramatically exclaim that your life is ruined except that it isn't a joke anymore.

I cried. I cried so much. But I always do.

We talked. We talked a little. Like we sometimes do when troubles loom ahead of us. 

You left. You left too much behind. A wake of disaster the aftermath of an earthquake. 

So it does hurt as much as they say it does. 

i sincerely hope

I sincerely hope, for all relationships to start out as a tangled mess, a ball of wool all tightly intertwined and knotted, then, with a decent amount of time, a pair of patient hands, little sacrifices here and there, it would slowly unravel to form greater things.

I sincerely hope for this instead of the other way round.

The fact that I am (or my bf) is doing my personal statement a day before the deadline when I had a 3 months break = my personal statement. 

Jk. Or maybe not.

did she or did you

Did your mum ever warn you against plastering your bedroom wall with photographs?
She saw it coming didn't she, that you would one day decide to tear them down and when you do, and the little rectangular marks the tape leaves behind would always serve as an indication that the past cannot be scraped off

Did your mum ever warn you against slouching, did she gently nudge you in your side to stand upright with your shoulders rolled back instead?
Likewise, didn't she hammer in you this set of principles and prodded at you to always stand up for them

Did your mum ever warn you against smoking and too many McDonald's meal sets while counting on her fingers the various heart diseases they could bring?
Was that why she did all she could to shield you from heartbreaks and disappointments, she knew didn't she that the heart was just as susceptible to them as over processed meat and tobacco smoke

Did you listen.

(I haven't been writing for a while because my semester break (over the span of 3 months) has reduced my level of intelligence from 'barely coping with law school' to 'cashew nuts are good let's watch TV and have cashew nuts errrrrrrday hello there is that a slice of cake i see yum yum' and all that has to change now)

(Classes started today but I booked my flight ticket a little late)

I need to do better.

this makes me sad