so worried over AS results. I know how stupid this sounds, because 1. no amount of fretting will help 2. neither will losing sleep 3. i deserve shitty results . but i can't help it. it's really easy to figure out when i'm going through 'my tough moments' (*shows -__________- face) because i lose sleep so easily. a tiny problem comes my way and BAM i stay awake the entire night (i'm not sure why i used bam hahaha) i don't care about failing all my monthly tests and trial exams but when it comes to the actual external exams i'm some psycho perfectionist and i will start sobbing like one too in front of everyone T____T i'm going to be so humiliated when the results are out. i deserve it i deserve it i should score really well in A2 this will be my motivation it has to be when everyone else who actually worked hard and are all satisfied with their results i will be genuinely happy for them (not that i wasn't planning on not being happy for them la but shall not allow myself to be in a crappy mood) (okay maybe a bit) (but don't show it) I'M SO SCARED. and I feel so guilty whenever I pray cause it feels like I only really come to God when I'm in need and the rest of the time when I'm contented and all I kinda neglect to really thank Him and all.
never felt so useless before
and typing that out makes me feel worse. like some whiny person asking for sympathy arghh i'm not i'm just 'going through one of my tough moments' (ahahhaahhaha have to laugh every time i type that) okay sounds even more pathetic
i'm just afraid of letting my parents down.
anger compared to disappointment is barely a dent in the ground and the latter is probably close to idk an empty void swallowing up the entire universe *exaggeration
okay but yeah and i can't stand the thought of disappointing them especially when they trust me so much with my studies
I HATE DIZ I NEED TO SLEEP SUCH A DYSFUNCTIONAL PERSON
10 more days T_________________________________T
