so if you scribble your name down on a lantern, watch someone lit it up, murmur your prayers under your breath till it disappears, swallowed up in the darkness

is that the most childish thing to do? 

I know that I really should have more faith, and be more dependent on God as my sole provider, I have so much proof of His blessings and yet, yet I stumble so often, yet at times I don't go to Him but stubbornly go ahead mapping out my own life.

and now I'm at the lowest point I'd ever been.