The ability, to snap your fingers, and have your feelings stripped away, might be a superhero power on it's own.
You would have no qualms addressing a crowd of strangers. Hindrance that settled around you in a cloud of fear and anxiety, for your chances of happiness being squandered, it dissipates. You do the things they have long held you back from. You say the things you think fitting.
This facade you put on, it could quell panic, it could soothe the distressed, it could eliminate grief, no emotional interference on your own part, a perfectly mastered mask, facial muscles in place to comfort, to appease.
This elimination of feelings, it might work.
Sometimes, I feel, so much, almost as if every cell, every nerve, thrives on emotions. Excitement channeled fervently through my bloodstream, an increase in heartbeat fueled by laughter, relishing in affection.
Then there's the surge of white-hot anger burning through my veins, the acidic taste of bitterness on my tongue, the swell at the back of my throat only distress can bring about.
I wonder if one day, these feelings, at the intensity they billow out, would send my body into a muddle, and it decides it no longer has the mechanism, no longer wants to process, all my complications no longer has any alternatives, but to shut them all out.
I wonder if I'll like it that way.
-my 4am thoughts.
