Things I like to worry about

1. are a figment of my imagination
2. shifts around for the better after I forgo sleep for 5 nights in a row
3. generates more tears than necessary

Things I try not to worry about

1. should not be swept aside
2. are more worrying than they appear to be
3. qualify as catastrophes

Now this, this is something I would not like to worry about.

This is how a date is supposed to be (Part II)

9. Now Date 9 would (according to our schedule) compromise of a breakfast of latte and biscotti/granola bars if we haven't had so much to eat the day before.

And we were going for a buffet so it's only economical (and Malaysian) to start off a buffet on an empty stomach.

Truth is we're just lazy by nature and Breakfast is quite unnatural for people of that particular characteristic .

So Date 9 was a cab ride to Paradigm Mall.

10. Date 10 was a walk around the mall

(I restrain from inserting too much excitement into each sentence but of course when you're with your boyfriend a walk around the mall isn't merely 'a walk around the mall' it's so much better)

(and now i all i can picture is a dog straining on it's leash and sniffing frantically at every bush/tree in it's vicinity when it's out on it's evening walk)

Kidding.

 11. I must say we worked pretty well as a team to finish off 12 sets of beef/chicken/mutton slices at Suki-Ya.

:')

*sticks Couple Buffet Star Award sticker on to shirt

12. Everything from Date 12 onwards was a mystery. 

I remember taking the LRT to KLCC

Like I said, it was all a blur.

This was my second time taking the LRT. **

My capabilities when it comes to public transport (or directions or driving) on a scale of one to ten does not exist.

It's okay my boyfriend is a 11 for all of the above.

*Probably my last too unless I'm with my boyfriend because his armpits are the only one I can stand
**** Rephrase because that sentence appears to be highly inappropriate
*******I appear to be below the average height of the population taking the LRT so it; inevitable that I face someone's armpit for 20 minutes straight

13. We had to flag a taxi from KLCC to Pavilion because Waze/Maps told us it was a 40 minutes walk and we got lost and I was frantic because the movie was to start in 10 minutes and anyway we got there (after paying RM15 for a 3 minutes drive)

14. We watched ........ Horns in Pavillion (just because Harry Potter is in it)

Yup. That's why my boyfriend said. Harry Potter is in Horns.

(I don't review movies)
(I struggle between trying to decide if it's really good or really bad)
(in the case of Horns my judgement was still impaired by the amount of food I had so I can't really tell)****

***Alson said it's really bad though

15. We got lost.

No details

(because I don't remember)***

***and I chose not to

(Pictures taken in Pavillion right before an hour spent being lost)

 16. Shoe shopping and Once Upon A Time Milkshakes *,*

17. Date 17 on the 17th of November.

:D

Now that my blog has been filled with pictures I feel the need to exert myself to balance it out with lengthy posts with nothing but words.

Or maybe it's the fact that my Finals is in 2 weeks.

Hmm.

This is how a date is supposed to be (PART1)

I never did get around to writing on my very first date.

Instead, here's a post on a weekend of dates.

1. we agreed that we needed a lifestyle revamp hence the incorporation of Breakfast (at 9am) into our schedule as Date 1 (also his plane departed at 7am and landed at 7:45am we really had no choice but to have Breakfast) 

I insisted on leaving the comforts of (the air-conditioning and couches in) Starbucks for (his) ruined pants from sitting on wet grass, constant apprehension of crows eying our food, swatting at bugs and sweat trickling down our backs 

(I'm not sure if it was abnormally hot for 9am because my days usually start after 10am)

(plate and tray belongs to Starbucks because I forgot to bring plates or cutlery of any sort)

(I hope it isn't against Starbucks policy to place their trays on wet grass) 

I like how natural(ly unglam) we appear to be here

I think it tastes fine 

(if you swallow an entire block of cream cheese and nibble tentatively around the bread and smoked salmon and wash it down with a mouthful of Christmas Cookie Frappuccino)

Look at me in admiration of my sandwich.

I really do not understand his expression upon his first (huge) bite.

It wasn't that bad.

(Maybe I shouldn't have left the smoked salmon out to defrost one night before hmm)

More happy pictures (of me) while he (as always) is left with the less exciting tasks 

So happy. (even my sweat glands were triggered into working enthusiastically look at that moustache of sweat)

for the 142 likes on Instagram, I have to sit you down and solemnly point out that there was a lot of effort put in behind this.

2. I'm marking this as Date 2 because at this point we departed from breakfast into ......... more sandwich making (for my brother and the ducks in uni) 

Also there's a video of me flinging a quarter of the 'freshly baked' muesli bread from Cold Storage at the ducks but it's too much effort to upload it here.

3. there are no pictures because Date 3 was in Starbucks and no one takes pictures in Starbucks (right after they emerge from the outdoors all sweaty and ready to collapse onto a couch) 

4. Village Park's Nasi Lemak !

The number of tolls we crossed to get here probably amounts to a plate of this.

So worth it :')

I hope you agree 

5. Inside Scoop ! I would say this with utmost conviction, we would have appreciated our Durian and Almond(??) / Hazelnut (???) ice-cream more if we haven't had so much to eat before 

This is how you look when you'd gone past your eating capacity and it has amounted to reluctance (either from the need to eat or from wanting to and knowing you shouldn't)

The next time I'll make sure Inside Scoop turns into Date 4 instead. 

Then we can have the buttermilk waffles.

*rubs hands in glee 

6.  Chromeheart Origins in church ! 

(my second night actually and I still didn't manage a decent picture)

7.  if I would to be really precise, Date 7 would be the drive to Mont Kiara (because it was an adventure in itself with the heavy rain and my panic attacks whenever Waze interrupted our conversations with 'HAZARD REPORTED AHEAD'

(Apparently a downpour is a hazard to Waze)

anyway we had Korean BBQ at Sae Mae Eul !!!

(I think both of us really enjoy Korean/Thai/Japanese/Indian right I think we enjoy everything)

*glistening tears

*eyes glazes over

Idk how my hair got this messy (all I had to do was to toss seaweed and rice around)

I really liked the spicy rice balls....

and of course the company

Look! Time for Spicy Rice Balls!

and my boyfriend !! 

(Just in case you think I'm emphasising too much on the rice balls)

8. We played Poker.

I think I'm getting better at it

*poker face

#Louie&MelisainKL

I know I blog so off-handley

But I promise you. It was one of the best days I'd had.

I think I should go to bed because it's 5am.

today it rained.

It rained today. I would sit cross-legged on the floor, and contemplate my outfit out loud, change into 3 different hoodies before settling for a sweater and jeans.

It rained today. I would abandon any plans for cups of hot Milo, down comforters and Workaholics.

It rained today. I would willingly microwave packets of Instant Noodles and happily cause further health deterioration by emptying every accompanying seasoning.

But I didn't because you weren't here.

On a side note, I complained about the rain today.

angry person

You don't get rid of anger.

Anger demands to be heard.
Anger is the furious rhythm from the pounding of the keyboard. Anger is the throbbing in your head so intense it reverberates around the room. Anger is the heated words you don't utter but everyone hears.

Anger demands to be seen.
Anger is the blatant glares casted in your direction. Anger is the single worded replies you receive. Anger is the fiery red flashes before you.

Anger demands to be tasted.
Anger is the sour taste of bile at the back of your throat. Anger is the harsh gulps of air you take through heated conversations that causes you to choke. Anger is the bitterness that overpowers and subdues your tastebuds and it's all you know.

Please stop this anger.

I wonder if this is me.

When the dinner dates are over. When midnight movies aren't worth watching. When best friends are miles away.  When a favourite show comes to an end. When the thrill from meeting someone loses it's novelty. When I let my hair down at the end of the day. When I sit all alone.

and I'm just angry.

was I always this way.

lie with me.

I fabricate a lot of lies.

Over the years, I'd gotten pretty competent at lying.

I lied.

Now that too is a lie.

9 Lies I'd committed myself to in the span of 5 days :

1. that's the last popcorn I'm popping into my mouth

2. if I have a buffet lunch I can forgo the next 3 meals

3. I did 30 words in 8 minutes all i need is approximately 13.3 hours to finish this assignment

4. I can finish my assignment if I start 13.3 hours before midnight

5. green tea ice-cream is healthy I'll have more a bit more of the green tea one and less of the chocolate one also I'm picking nuts as toppings instead of sprinkles for the very same reason

6. I'm buying 3 tops from Topshop because Topshop is an investment and I'll wear them at least 50 times each

7. I don't need cakes or shopping to feel better

8. It's okay to wear the same pair of jeans 5 times a week no one notices jeans

9. To Ashley : Okay let's start our Legal Brief at 5pm

(at 5:01PM)

To Ashley : Let's start at 5:05pm I don't feel ready

What can I say, it's now 5:06pm.

3 in the morning

Obsession, Dominating, Power, Addiction,

Troubled, Enslaved, Jaded, Fear,

Bitter, Dissatisfaction, Frustrated, Deterioration,

Uncertain, Resentment, Spiteful, Grieve,

Negativity in the most offhand manner,

What grows on you at 3 in the morning? 

You are better than this,

One black spot tarnishes a blank canvas,

Until you decide to pick up that brush,

Dab it into acrylic paint of every hue, tone, tint and shade,

Tentatively daub, foreign swashes against a familiar background,

Over time, colours merge, vivid and dull accentutating each other,

Concealing the black spot.

You wonder if it remains obscured from view to relieve heartaches,

Or if it fuses in to complete the painting.

Melisa,

At 3 in the morning, you tell yourself,

You have to be better than this.

Pain,

Pain,

is it shattered glass, scattered along the stretch of this road you have to take barefooted, is it acceptance that no matter how attentive you are in every step, shards of glass are bound to pierce the sole of your feet.

Pain,

is it the rigidity of an elastic band you wind around a pole, like how you steadfastly hold on to these beliefs, confident it won't snap, assured of it's durability, until you let yourself slip, and it ricochets to hit you in the face in the form of contradictions.

Pain,

is it a fine line, a tread-rope to be walked on 10 storeys above ground, with rescue mattresses laid below, promises in disguise as safeguards you discover, never did exist when you stumble, a miscalculated step, to plunge downwards and land flat on you back.

Pain,

is it you.

What do you know about

What do you know about missing a person?

Does it begin when 'I wish's form habitually on the edge of your mouth, ready to be uttered, prepped to be inserted into snippets of conversations? I wish you were, I wish I were, I wish. Aren't those the mark of a start of a longing, this persistent coveting after a person?

Does time fragmentation happen unconsciously? Your calender readjusts, regulated by '11 days till you arrive home', 'it's only 4 months till we see each other again', '2 years is fine, we'll get through it'

Does it dwindle with time, do your daily routines ease it off, do you sometimes, completely forget? Or is missing your reality, and if it is, how often do you jolt back to reality?

Does it drip, of anticipation, of wistfulness, of yearnings, condensed to form droplets. Do they merge over time to form a pool of endless depth? Do you struggle to keep afloat? Or do your instincts kick in, like how traits go through a process of natural selection, you harden over time, you survive.

So, what do I know about missing a person?